Hi, I’m Lena, 26 years old, and this is a part of my story…
2014 was the year when my first symptoms kicked in. I was just about to finish my High School year abroad in California and suddenly, I was in constant pain, I couldn’t tolerate foods that were never an issue before, I had to use the bathroom a lot, and eventually started bleeding. I was exhausted and didn’t understand what was happening.
After returning home, I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease and went on my first round of steroids. The first years were difficult, as I was just a 17 year old girl, trying to hide her “broken body” from people around me. I didn’t want to miss out on the “normal life,” and kept asking myself “why me?” and “why at such a young age?” I had so many plans: I wanted to see the world, study abroad, I wanted to date, spend nights dancing, go to festivals, try different hobbies & All of a sudden, all these things seemed so much harder with the body that I had now.
I was so afraid of the uncertainties that came with the illness itself, the medications and the future. I did not only wish for my body to fully heal and function like it did before, but I also started struggling with my body image. With every glimpse in the mirror I would find things that I wanted to change. A flat stomach, toned arms, a nicer butt, you name it. The voice in my head towards my body wasn’t very gentle. I compared myself to others over and over again… Somewhere deep down I struggled with the belief that if I was healthy or looked prettier, I would be much worthier & my life would be easier. I didn’t feel good enough and was in a constant hustle to try and prove to myself that I actually was good enough… Fast forward, and after years of trial & error of a mix of western & alternative medicine, diet change, yogic approach etc. to find a way to feel more confident & self trusting with the disease, I committed myself to really work on my mindset. I decided that, instead of focusing on the external I would turn inward, and focus on how to feel more confident with my illness. This has been my personal game-changer. Because after this long journey of acceptance, self-love and compassion, I have finally come to a place where I can honestly say that I love myself deeply and I am so thankful for my body and all the things it allows me to do! – And I want this FOR YOU too.